Where Were You, Damon?

It's that time of the year again.  Leaves begin turning brilliant shades of orange, red, and yellow (except, of course, in Texas - where we're just pleased that the temperature is under 100).  Kids begin planning their Halloween costumes.  And posts on this blog turn to discussions about The Vampire Diaries.

I can't help it.  As much as the show frustrates (and, lately, has a tendency to disappoint me with unfulfilled character arcs), it is just so addicting.  Even when I don't really want it to, thoughts about various plots and scenes just kind of sneak into my mind and I feel I must share them...mainly so I don't feel like I'm completely batty.

Today's random musings - the three times Damon "left."

I'll admit it.  I was scrolling through Tumblr this morning, and I saw a gif set with the "where were you, Damon" scene....and I realized something both awesome and frightening.  When Damon leaves, bad stuff happens.

Let's start with the first (and least obvious) time Damon left.  At the end of Masquerade, all the characters have gone their separate ways.  Jeremy's giving Bonnie a ride home.  Caroline and Tyler are dealing with the mess in the former mayor's office.  Stefan and Elena are having a discussion out by the pond (and no, I don't think Stefan's choice here to let Elena go home alone without checking on her later will ever be ok with me), and Damon's off dealing with Katherine.  Damon is separated from the group because someone has to lock Katherine in the tomb.  He's aware that Elena's been hurt, but the whole rest of the "Keep Elena Breathing" task force is still there.  Surely someone's watching her....right?

By the end of the night, she's been kidnapped and on her way to Rose.

In The Reckoning, Damon and Katherine (and Jeremy, but since he's in the trunk, I'm not sure if he counts) are road-tripping.  Damon and Elena have fought - he can't be who she wants him to be...Stefan.  She's not looking for Stefan - she just wants Damon to be the man she knows him to be.  So, Damon needs some time to cool off, and Katherine just happens to have just the trip in mind.  Damon leaves and before the night's over, Tyler's become a hybrid, Stefan's emotions are switched to "I'm a jerk," Klaus has discovered the methods of keeping a hybrid alive, and Stefan has fed on Elena.

By the end of the night, Damon promises to never leave her again.

But he does.  The brothers aren't getting along as well.  They're both aware of the feelings Elena has for the other - even if she's choosing to ignore them.  They've been down this road before with Katherine.  They've developed a fragile relationship over the past year, so they agree that it's time for Elena to make a choice....and the other brother will leave for the remainder of Elena's human life.  But, before they really have the chance to get her to make her decision, the whole "we need to hide Klaus' body" issue pops up.  The brothers look at each other - one needs to drive while the other goes back to Mystic Falls.  Of course it would be Damon who ended up having to deal with Klaus.  Stefan couldn't leave...then how else could he put those pouty eyes and "just in case" kiss to use making sure that Elena picks him?  (Sorry, that's a whole different blog post.)  Well, you watch the show.  You know the end of the story.  Matt drives Elena back to town both to her friends and the brother she's "chosen."  (I still stand firmly behind the theory that Elena had no idea that her choice would theoretically result in one brother leaving town.)  Matt crashes the car.  Elena and Matt are trapped.  At Elena's urging, Stefan saves Matt first - leaving Elena to drown.

I'll never leave you again - Damon said it at the end of The Reckoning.  In a small but significant way, he didn't leave her.  His blood coursing through her veins has kept her .... undead.  But he knows what he would have done at the bottom of the river.  He would have saved her, even if she hated him for it, because she'd still be breathing.

After watching the web clip, I can't help but wonder if he's thinking back to those words.  He's always chosen the more difficult tasks - allowing Stefan to be the hero in Elena's eyes.  This time, just like the earlier times, when he left, bad things happened.  The snark and barely-concealed anger in that scene is there for a reason.  He knows the choice he would have made.

Finale Thoughts....Is That All You've Got?

I'll admit that when the finale first aired, I was a mess.  Annoyed at Elena being forced to choose. Grief-stricken from the loss of Alaric.  Saddened that we've lost human Elena.  I didn't really have time to analyze the events of the last fifteen minutes or so, and, to be honest - I didn't want to.  Before I had the chance to really change my mind, someone in my family deleted the episode from my DVR and I never really thought about it again.

But, I bought the DVD series.  I love the song that plays as the truck goes under the water, the visuals are so striking, I decided to give the finale another go.

So...JP's recent tweets still echoing in the back of my mind, I remembered her comment about Family Ties.  It showed us the Damon who once was - and gave us a glimpse at the Damon we'd later see (my paraphrase).

As I was eating my pizza, I heard Damon's question to Alaric.  "Is that all you've got?"  He was challenging Ric - the new hunter.  Unable to kill him, both because of Evilaric's physical strength and his tie to Elena's life, directly after the flashback, Damon taunts him....but why?

Just like so many other scenes in the show, this memory isn't about Damon and Elena's relationship - not really....it's about Damon and his choices.

Elena didn't realize that the choice she just made had the impact it did - no one told her about the brothers' agreement, of that I'm certain.  She believes she'll see Damon in just an hour or so.  She wouldn't have made the choice if she'd realized she'd lose Damon.  In her closing words, she says the phrase that triggers Damon's later memory.  "Maybe if I'd met you first."

Damon knows she did.

Somehow, in that brief moment, they connected - after all, she didn't end up as his dinner.  For whatever reason, she intrigued him, but he couldn't let her remember him.

Damon's always had to live with the knowledge that he did meet her first.  But he also knows that it'll always be Stefan (insert my "sloppy compulsion" theory here) - even if Elena's not ready for always....

The flashback was for Damon's benefit - one more example of when an action had an unintended consequence.  If he'd left her memory intact, would she have been so easily swayed by Stefan's opinion of his brother?  He doesn't have the answer, but he's already fallen for Katherine and Elena.  He loves fully, completely, and recklessly....while I don't think he's trying to martyr himself, I do think he's aware he's about to die.  The memory gave him a chance to say goodbye to the Elena he could have known.

SCBWI - First Impressions

Well, I'd really intended to live-blog...or at least do some type of end of day wrap-up, but that's before I realized that my laptop and the hotel's wi-fi didn't really play well together.

So....I'm going to be doing a SCBWI in review of sorts.  I'll hit the high points, the iffy points, and I'll do a brief (yes, I read the note about not posting too much of any author's presentation) summary of a few of my favorite classes.

First, I'm amazed I made it at all.

I arrived in LA less than 24 hours after my dad's funeral.  I knew I wasn't totally "with it" in regard to preparing to go, and I'd soon be proven correct.  I forgot:
- my jacket (totally necessary in LA for this Texan).
- socks (kind of important when a Disney trip is planned).
- any type of spiral or paper for taking notes (totally unlike me.  I have a spiral for every event).

But as we walked along the Santa Monica beach, I knew what I forgot wasn't what mattered.  I was there.  I made it. I'd kept my commitment to myself and that's what was important.

Things WILL Get Better

I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t a typical post from me.  I’m not analyzing TVD, talking about my writing, and it is far more candid than what I normally share about my family’s life.  

This will not be easy to read (or at least it wasn't easy to write).  I need to put a sensitive subject matter disclaimer here....

This past Thursday started normally enough.  My husband was out of town.  I needed to do some edits on one of my manuscripts.  I’d promised my kids that if I could get two chapters completed, we’d go to the water park to kill time till their dad got home.

We’d no sooner parked the car at our favorite summer destination than my phone rang.  My mom was on a “ladies’ weekend” with a few of her former co-workers, and she couldn’t reach my dad on the phone.  That was odd.  His iPhone was almost permanently attached to his hip.  He always answered his phone.  I promised my mother I’d run by to check on him after we were finished with the water park. 

Less than an hour later, our plans for the evening would drastically change.

When my kids and I stopped to take a break in the shade, I noticed I had a phone call from an unfamiliar number.  Since my dad had some health issues, I was afraid that he’d ended up in the emergency room.  I called the number and received the message no one wants to hear.

It was my parents’ pastor.  My father was gone…and I needed to get to my parents’ house as soon as I could.  Everything blurred.  Since my kids had overheard the phone call, my daughter took control and arranged for a family friend to come pick her and her brother up while I tried to reach my mom on her trip.  The next five minutes were some of the longest in my lifetime as I had to tell both my mother and my husband that my father had passed away – while they were each over 6 hours from home.

Once the kids were settled with the neighbor, my phone rang again.  It was one of the ladies from my mom’s trip.  She wanted to know if I still had my kids with me. My mom had reached her pastor, and there was information I needed to know.

Overwhelmed by financial problems and personal matters, rather than admitting he was having problems…he’d chosen to end his life.  He left a note saying that he’d deliberately waited until my mom was gone since I was stronger than she is.  I was to be the one in charge of all the details until my mom could return the next day.

Grief and shock were quickly mixed with anger and questions we’ll never have answered.

He couldn’t face telling my mother that the downturn of the stock market had almost wiped out their retirement fund.  He’d become depressed but was too proud to admit it.  So he chose the “easy” way out.

After days of dealing with the aftermath….answering friends’ questions, telling my kids that their grandfather died by his own choice, dealing with my own “what ifs,” I can say with absolute certainty that suicide is never the answer.

None of my dad’s problems were so big that we couldn’t work through them together, but we don’t have that chance.  And..he’ll never see my daughter graduate from high school or watch another one of her plays.  He won’t hear the details of my son’s first day of middle school or see a picture of his first date.

I know most people speak of suicide in hushed tones and veil it under the phrase that someone passed away “unexpectedly” – but that won’t help anyone else.

My Christian faith is important to me.  I keep coming back to Romans 8:28.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I’ve asked myself how can this be one of those “all things?”  All….  Everything….  Even this…..

And so I’m writing this – in the hope that someone might see my story and think twice about making the same decision my father made.

Trust me, my family would much prefer to have my dad with us, even knowing the savings account was gone.  We could work through this together, but he never gave us the chance.

Please, if you’re feeling that you’re at the end of what you can handle alone…don’t try to keep it to yourself.  You have someone you can trust.  I promise you that someone….somewhere cares enough about you to help work through your current situation.  And if you don’t think you have someone to talk with, please visit this link.  http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/  There’s a weath of information (phone numbers, local resources) there.  People you don’t even know want to help you keep from making the one choice you can never take back.

I’m choosing to use my dad’s death as a way to speak out.  If even one person reconsiders their decision because of reading this, I can’t say that it’ll make everything better….but at least I’ll know something positive came from it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.  Feel free to share the link with others.  

Recently Read: Code Name Verity

I'll admit I'm pressed for time right now.  As much as I'd love to give a really thorough review of this excellent (albeit, very unique) book...right now, I'm up to my ears in things to do.  (Making the fire ants that are trying to take over my house find somewhere else to seek shelter from the heat is at the very top of the list.)

So...I'm cheating right now.  I'm copying and pasting my short Goodreads review here.

I promise I'll be back to fill in more details, but I just couldn't wait to share about this book.

I'm going to have to keep this one vague simply because there's little too discuss that won't really give away too much of the overall plot. First things first, though, this is NOT a happy and cheerful book. Yes, there are happy moments...times that will make a reader laugh and smile - but most of it isn't light. Most of the book is actually pretty heavy, but that's understandable since this is a book about World War II. I can't even say if the ending's happy or not, but I will say that it is a very honest ending based on the plot of the rest of the book. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Have I read another book that's very similar? No. Do I think this will someday end up on (probably high school) reading lists? Almost definitely. As soon as I finished the book, I passed it on to my daughter to read. That's about the best I can do as far as recommending it.

A Blog Post about....Blogging

SCBWI is drawing closer.  With it, the realization that I'm about to be pitching Here They Lie to people who actually make decisions as to whether or not I'll see "my baby" in print is becoming even more exciting - and slightly frightening.

So, what's an author to do?

Read tons of advice blogs, of course.

Establish a platform.  Blog.  Tweet.  Retweet.  Build a tribe. 

Ok.  I can tweet.  I can clarify my platform.  I even have my elevator pitch ready to go.

But blog?

Really?

I'm supposed to write a blog about...writing?

First things first, I love to write.  That's why I wore out one Macbook and I'm on my second. (The guys at the Genius Bar had never seen a Mac with all the letters rubbed off the keys before.)

I like to blog - especially when it involves books I've read or TVD episodes I've watched.

But write about writing?


I love to read blog posts from industry professionals or the really "big" writers out there. I think they have really valuable information to share - or they're at least seriously amusing.

I just know that there's a lot of internet noise out there.

Plenty of places where an author (or reader) can while away hours.

Right now, I'm just not sure if what I have to say about writing is really worth too much of anyone's time.

So, you might see the occasional writing post here.  And, I'll soon be posting an update about how Reese and Colton are doing.  (Hopefully, now you're asking yourself just who Reese and Colton are - the answer isn't my kids.)  I expect to post my review of Code Name Verity next week.

Until then, let's just celebrate that TVD Season 4 starts filming today.

See y'all later!  Thanks for visiting!

D'Ann

One Shipper's Perspective

Part two of my Season 3 Finale comments.....

An Open Letter to Julie Plec, Kevin Williamson, and the TVD Writing Staff –

I know that you’re likely besieged by comments about the season 3 finale right now.  I truly doubt if you’ll ever actually see this, but I feel I’d be doing my fellow fans a disservice if I didn’t at least take a moment to try to put my feelings into words.

Before I’m dismissed as a naïve teenager please allow me to take a moment to introduce myself.  I’m just shy of 40 years old.  I’m a happily married mom of two.  I’m a graduate of a well-known university, and I have a degree in education with advanced training in the craft of teaching writing. 

I’m also a shipper.  I make no apologies.  Just like the men in my neck of the woods live and die by if the Cowboys win the playoffs, I’ve found myself cheering for a “team” in this show.  That’s a first for me.  I’ve never been drawn to a show where the “winner” of the relationship was unclear.  I’m a Delena fan, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

When I first watched the show, I assumed it would follow the pattern of the books.  But with each passing interview, I heard the message that y’all were choosing your own path – and not to assume if we read it on the page that we’d see it on the screen.

As time went on, I could see that was true in the relationship aspects of the show as well.  While I initially felt Stefan was the better fit for Elena, the more I watched…the more I questioned my judgment. 

By the time the middle of the second season rolled around, I was fully converted.  Watching the friendship, trust, and respect build as the third season continued on, I could see your team was laying the foundation for a beautiful and meaningful relationship between Damon and Elena.

“Then we’ll let him go”.  – Elena to Damon, Homecoming

“I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.” – Elena to Damon, Our Town

“We always survive.” – Elena to Damon, Homecoming

I loved analyzing the depth an nuances you were building into this incredible pairing as it so delicately unfolded on the screen.

Until suddenly you weren’t.

Time and time again, we watched as Stefan’s behavior had no consequences while none of Damon’s good deeds went unpunished.  When Elena stood on her porch and begged Stefan to feel again – I watched all the growth and development in Elena’s character we’d seen this season crumble away.

Also gone was the rapport we’d seen between Damon and Elena – only to be pulled out as a “tease” to fans to show what incredible chemistry Damon and Elena could have.  But the minute Caroline uttered the words “it’s Stefan’s turn,” I realized the potential of Damon and Elena having a relationship on the show was a very cruel joke you’ve played on many of your most invested fans.

Like many of my TVD family members, I feel used and betrayed by the teases of this season.  I would have been content to let “the triangle” continue on, but by forcing Elena’s choice at this point in the series…you’ve made it abundantly clear that we’re important for ratings – but you don’t truly respect your audience members.

Thank you for your time.  Your cast and crew has my utmost respect.  I wish you all success, but I’m afraid that your choices in this finale may have cost you a great number of your most devoted fans.