Things WILL Get Better

I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t a typical post from me.  I’m not analyzing TVD, talking about my writing, and it is far more candid than what I normally share about my family’s life.  

This will not be easy to read (or at least it wasn't easy to write).  I need to put a sensitive subject matter disclaimer here....

This past Thursday started normally enough.  My husband was out of town.  I needed to do some edits on one of my manuscripts.  I’d promised my kids that if I could get two chapters completed, we’d go to the water park to kill time till their dad got home.

We’d no sooner parked the car at our favorite summer destination than my phone rang.  My mom was on a “ladies’ weekend” with a few of her former co-workers, and she couldn’t reach my dad on the phone.  That was odd.  His iPhone was almost permanently attached to his hip.  He always answered his phone.  I promised my mother I’d run by to check on him after we were finished with the water park. 

Less than an hour later, our plans for the evening would drastically change.

When my kids and I stopped to take a break in the shade, I noticed I had a phone call from an unfamiliar number.  Since my dad had some health issues, I was afraid that he’d ended up in the emergency room.  I called the number and received the message no one wants to hear.

It was my parents’ pastor.  My father was gone…and I needed to get to my parents’ house as soon as I could.  Everything blurred.  Since my kids had overheard the phone call, my daughter took control and arranged for a family friend to come pick her and her brother up while I tried to reach my mom on her trip.  The next five minutes were some of the longest in my lifetime as I had to tell both my mother and my husband that my father had passed away – while they were each over 6 hours from home.

Once the kids were settled with the neighbor, my phone rang again.  It was one of the ladies from my mom’s trip.  She wanted to know if I still had my kids with me. My mom had reached her pastor, and there was information I needed to know.

Overwhelmed by financial problems and personal matters, rather than admitting he was having problems…he’d chosen to end his life.  He left a note saying that he’d deliberately waited until my mom was gone since I was stronger than she is.  I was to be the one in charge of all the details until my mom could return the next day.

Grief and shock were quickly mixed with anger and questions we’ll never have answered.

He couldn’t face telling my mother that the downturn of the stock market had almost wiped out their retirement fund.  He’d become depressed but was too proud to admit it.  So he chose the “easy” way out.

After days of dealing with the aftermath….answering friends’ questions, telling my kids that their grandfather died by his own choice, dealing with my own “what ifs,” I can say with absolute certainty that suicide is never the answer.

None of my dad’s problems were so big that we couldn’t work through them together, but we don’t have that chance.  And..he’ll never see my daughter graduate from high school or watch another one of her plays.  He won’t hear the details of my son’s first day of middle school or see a picture of his first date.

I know most people speak of suicide in hushed tones and veil it under the phrase that someone passed away “unexpectedly” – but that won’t help anyone else.

My Christian faith is important to me.  I keep coming back to Romans 8:28.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I’ve asked myself how can this be one of those “all things?”  All….  Everything….  Even this…..

And so I’m writing this – in the hope that someone might see my story and think twice about making the same decision my father made.

Trust me, my family would much prefer to have my dad with us, even knowing the savings account was gone.  We could work through this together, but he never gave us the chance.

Please, if you’re feeling that you’re at the end of what you can handle alone…don’t try to keep it to yourself.  You have someone you can trust.  I promise you that someone….somewhere cares enough about you to help work through your current situation.  And if you don’t think you have someone to talk with, please visit this link.  http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/  There’s a weath of information (phone numbers, local resources) there.  People you don’t even know want to help you keep from making the one choice you can never take back.

I’m choosing to use my dad’s death as a way to speak out.  If even one person reconsiders their decision because of reading this, I can’t say that it’ll make everything better….but at least I’ll know something positive came from it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.  Feel free to share the link with others.  

Recently Read: Code Name Verity

I'll admit I'm pressed for time right now.  As much as I'd love to give a really thorough review of this excellent (albeit, very unique) book...right now, I'm up to my ears in things to do.  (Making the fire ants that are trying to take over my house find somewhere else to seek shelter from the heat is at the very top of the list.)

So...I'm cheating right now.  I'm copying and pasting my short Goodreads review here.

I promise I'll be back to fill in more details, but I just couldn't wait to share about this book.

I'm going to have to keep this one vague simply because there's little too discuss that won't really give away too much of the overall plot. First things first, though, this is NOT a happy and cheerful book. Yes, there are happy moments...times that will make a reader laugh and smile - but most of it isn't light. Most of the book is actually pretty heavy, but that's understandable since this is a book about World War II. I can't even say if the ending's happy or not, but I will say that it is a very honest ending based on the plot of the rest of the book. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Have I read another book that's very similar? No. Do I think this will someday end up on (probably high school) reading lists? Almost definitely. As soon as I finished the book, I passed it on to my daughter to read. That's about the best I can do as far as recommending it.

A Blog Post about....Blogging

SCBWI is drawing closer.  With it, the realization that I'm about to be pitching Here They Lie to people who actually make decisions as to whether or not I'll see "my baby" in print is becoming even more exciting - and slightly frightening.

So, what's an author to do?

Read tons of advice blogs, of course.

Establish a platform.  Blog.  Tweet.  Retweet.  Build a tribe. 

Ok.  I can tweet.  I can clarify my platform.  I even have my elevator pitch ready to go.

But blog?

Really?

I'm supposed to write a blog about...writing?

First things first, I love to write.  That's why I wore out one Macbook and I'm on my second. (The guys at the Genius Bar had never seen a Mac with all the letters rubbed off the keys before.)

I like to blog - especially when it involves books I've read or TVD episodes I've watched.

But write about writing?


I love to read blog posts from industry professionals or the really "big" writers out there. I think they have really valuable information to share - or they're at least seriously amusing.

I just know that there's a lot of internet noise out there.

Plenty of places where an author (or reader) can while away hours.

Right now, I'm just not sure if what I have to say about writing is really worth too much of anyone's time.

So, you might see the occasional writing post here.  And, I'll soon be posting an update about how Reese and Colton are doing.  (Hopefully, now you're asking yourself just who Reese and Colton are - the answer isn't my kids.)  I expect to post my review of Code Name Verity next week.

Until then, let's just celebrate that TVD Season 4 starts filming today.

See y'all later!  Thanks for visiting!

D'Ann

One Shipper's Perspective

Part two of my Season 3 Finale comments.....

An Open Letter to Julie Plec, Kevin Williamson, and the TVD Writing Staff –

I know that you’re likely besieged by comments about the season 3 finale right now.  I truly doubt if you’ll ever actually see this, but I feel I’d be doing my fellow fans a disservice if I didn’t at least take a moment to try to put my feelings into words.

Before I’m dismissed as a naïve teenager please allow me to take a moment to introduce myself.  I’m just shy of 40 years old.  I’m a happily married mom of two.  I’m a graduate of a well-known university, and I have a degree in education with advanced training in the craft of teaching writing. 

I’m also a shipper.  I make no apologies.  Just like the men in my neck of the woods live and die by if the Cowboys win the playoffs, I’ve found myself cheering for a “team” in this show.  That’s a first for me.  I’ve never been drawn to a show where the “winner” of the relationship was unclear.  I’m a Delena fan, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

When I first watched the show, I assumed it would follow the pattern of the books.  But with each passing interview, I heard the message that y’all were choosing your own path – and not to assume if we read it on the page that we’d see it on the screen.

As time went on, I could see that was true in the relationship aspects of the show as well.  While I initially felt Stefan was the better fit for Elena, the more I watched…the more I questioned my judgment. 

By the time the middle of the second season rolled around, I was fully converted.  Watching the friendship, trust, and respect build as the third season continued on, I could see your team was laying the foundation for a beautiful and meaningful relationship between Damon and Elena.

“Then we’ll let him go”.  – Elena to Damon, Homecoming

“I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.” – Elena to Damon, Our Town

“We always survive.” – Elena to Damon, Homecoming

I loved analyzing the depth an nuances you were building into this incredible pairing as it so delicately unfolded on the screen.

Until suddenly you weren’t.

Time and time again, we watched as Stefan’s behavior had no consequences while none of Damon’s good deeds went unpunished.  When Elena stood on her porch and begged Stefan to feel again – I watched all the growth and development in Elena’s character we’d seen this season crumble away.

Also gone was the rapport we’d seen between Damon and Elena – only to be pulled out as a “tease” to fans to show what incredible chemistry Damon and Elena could have.  But the minute Caroline uttered the words “it’s Stefan’s turn,” I realized the potential of Damon and Elena having a relationship on the show was a very cruel joke you’ve played on many of your most invested fans.

Like many of my TVD family members, I feel used and betrayed by the teases of this season.  I would have been content to let “the triangle” continue on, but by forcing Elena’s choice at this point in the series…you’ve made it abundantly clear that we’re important for ratings – but you don’t truly respect your audience members.

Thank you for your time.  Your cast and crew has my utmost respect.  I wish you all success, but I’m afraid that your choices in this finale may have cost you a great number of your most devoted fans. 

So, About that Finale...

This is the first of two posts I'll likely make about the finale. I've been asked to explain how I could have enjoyed the last half, and for that...I'm going to need far more than 140 characters. First, and this is the personal reason for me - I'm just too emotionally exhausted to properly summon rage for the lack of proper closure between Elena and Damon. I have quite a few "real life" issues going right now - not the least of which is the coming loss of two immediate family members. No matter how much I love the show, at the end of the day, it is a SHOW, and real life for me is taking priority. Second, and this is the part that is most difficult to admit. I saw this coming. Totally.

The moment Caroline uttered the phrase, "It's Stefan's turn," I realized that this whole season of friendship, loyalty, and trust between Damon and Elena was simply there to fill time - and keep the fans happy...some of them anyway. Stefan had his "turn" for two years. Damon had one night. As that episode came to a close, I realized I was going to have to say goodbye to any hope I had for a relationship (more than friendship) between Damon and Elena.

I may have signed on to watch a triangle show, but I'm not certain if the writers are prepared to write one. Now, we're looking at a whole new "book" in front of us. Elena's going to remember some things she didn't know she'd even forgotten. She's going to have to examine her choices. (If she'd gone to say goodbye to Damon, she'd still be alive right now - no bridge to cross.)

All that being said, I did enjoy the end of the episode. I've long made the point that I ship the show as a whole - probably more than I do a relationship on it. I was also a fan of the books before the show aired. I LOVED the vampire-Elena phase of the story. While the first half of the episode felt really, really slow and drawn out - MOST of the interaction in the last half seemed very authentic (except for one part...but we'll get to that). I enjoyed watching Matt and Jeremy finally taking action to protect Elena from a very real threat. I enjoyed Bonnie disappearing (I'd really been afraid we were going to see a lot of her). Lately, I've been hard on Stefan, but listening to him say that he was sorry there wasn't time to get Damon back to Mystic Falls to say goodbye to Elena just broke my heart. There have been a lot of times when I doubted if Stefan cared for Damon, and that still proves true, but he does understand his brother - and he knew what would be on his mind. Elena choosing to go back to Mystic Falls - not just to say goodbye to Stefan - but to see Caroline and Tyler again felt very genuine given the reflective theme of the night. And, poor Elena, finally had a chance to offer her life in exchange for someone else's. She would never have forgiven herself if Matt had died, given that he drowned because he'd been trying to protect her.

Damon's scenes in the last few moments of the show warrant a paragraph all of their own. As angry as we as viewers are about Elena's choice of words, I think he understands her...or he loves her enough it doesn't matter. Watching him cradling Alaric as he died...seeing the comprehension dawn on his face that what that meant for Elena. Really, I think that'll go down as one of the most powerful moments I've ever seen on this show. Then, when he arrives at the hospital. She's dead, but it doesn't matter. He NEEDS to see her one last time. He'd been prepared for his own death - but not for hers. His level of panic and agony was palpable, and it was clear that his love for her hasn't wavered.

And then there's that one pesky detail. Elena's conversation with Damon. Really, writers? We've watched the two of them build such a genuine relationship this season, having Elena say "no matter what I feel about you" wasn't what Damon deserved to hear as he was dying. Elena had confessed her conflict to Matt just and hour or so before - she knows she loves Damon. Even if she's going to be choosing Stefan simply because he was with her first, Damon deserved to hear those words come from her ... just once.

So, overall, I liked the end of the episode - even if it had one major flaw. It'll be interesting to see where they elect to go from here. Both Damon and Stefan know that Elena's now on a path that she never wanted; and they both likely know that if her decisions on that night had been different, she'd still be breathing right now. This finale sets up the possibility of a VERY different show next season, and I think that's what I'm looking forward to most of all. So much of season three has been muddled with writing that backtracks and too many characters - a large part, I think, to just delay the inevitable conclusion of the finale's episode.

 I hope this clears up a few things. I'm still working in pre-coffee mode. Hope that all makes sense. Thanks for reading.

About That Scene....

Since I've seen a few people virtually rolling eyes about comments in regard to the Matt/Elena scene, let me explain why seeing comments from Julie Plec implying that there may have been an issue with the writing in that scene concern me.

I loved that scene. I won't lie. In the midst of what felt like a largely over-hyped episode (which, I think I would have really enjoyed if it hadn't been a victim of promising too much), the quiet honesty of that scene was beautifully done. (And, I'm not saying that as someone who prefers the DE dynamic to the SE dynamic.)

In Elena's comments to Matt, the viewer can see that Elena has taken this time when she's "between Salvatores" to stop and think about what each brother means to her. She's examined her feelings for both - and isn't just blindly following her emotions. We seldom get to see inside Elena's head beyond points of self-incrimination and the desire to be a martyr. Having a scene where we see Elena's perspective on her own life was really so badly needed (and a real treat for those of us who value Team Elena above all else on the show).

Stefan represents safety. In the wake of devastation that rocked Elena's world to its very core, Stefan was her emotional savior. He was her anchor and kept her from feeling completely adrift and alone...because he would never leave her like her parents did. His immortality gave her the certainty that she wouldn't lose him - at least not until he made a deal with her mortal enemy and went on Stefan and Klaus' Not-Excellent Adventure.

And then there's Damon... The bad boy. The brother that, as Elena admitted to Caroline, having feelings for would make her question what that said about herself. And yet, there they are. He's gotten under her skin - no matter what Elena wants. If Elena could walk away from her feelings about Damon, she could, but she can't.

Who is Elena spilling all this self-awareness to? Matt. Elena's currently somewhat estranged with both of her best girlfriends, so Matt's there for her. This guy, who was Elena's first love, and obviously still carries those feelings for her - puts those feelings aside to give her a safe place to reflect. Everyone deserves a Matt in their life, but Elena especially needs one. She's been through so much over the last 18 months or so.... Matt ties her to the person she used to be, and that gives her the strength to truly admit those things about herself that she's discovered but has also kept deeply buried.

And that's why I loved the scene. It showcases both Elena and Matt's strength and the depth of their relationship. If the brothers had never entered Elena's life, scenes like these show why Klaus' plan of Elena and Matt having lots of little Donovans to carry out the Petrova bloodline made sense. But the brothers ARE here...and Elena has to deal with that.

Now Elena has to move on - knowing where she stands with each.

Sorry

Sometimes string of consciousness should be kept to myself.

I wasn't intending any ill-will toward the show itself, just explaining why I wasn't as in love with it as before.

Sorry.